A Thanksgiving Clap-Back App
(also known as my Sneaky Pimento Cheese)
ahhh, the holidays are upon us again.
The older I get, the more I read on Twitter & also hear from some close friends, about how agonizing / mentally exhausting / abusive the holidays can be to some folks…..I’m not gonna name any names….but I’ve felt that in some capacities. I, too, have been personally victimized by people who like to run their mouth about WHATEVER they feel like saying at family gatherings. I have also witnessed others be victims & its just as painful and unnecessary.
All I have to say is, Santa is watching — bitch.
ANYWAY.
The Clap-Back
Thanksgiving Clap-Backs are hilarious to me while I feel the urge to simultaneously cry.
Chant with me now : *we love our families* *we love our families* *we love our families*
Be that as it may….sometimes, some people just don’t know when to quit. Making suggestions, asking out-of-bounds questions, making observations known, the comments, unsolicited advice…..I could go on.
I promise this blog is here to make you laugh, but also be real & relatable.
“if someone comments on your weight — eat them”
Yes, you should. And while you’re at it, go ahead and get that 3rd plate!
In all seriousness, my Sneaky Pimento Cheese is the perfect Thanksgiving appetizer for a number of reasons.
it’s delicious (duh) so hopefully everyone’s mouth will be full of pimento cheese instead of making shitty & rude comments :)
it’s “sneaky” because my secret ingredient is healthy, low-fat & full of protein….PLAIN GREEK YOGURT.
AND, it pleases everyone who tries it!
My Sneaky Pimento Cheese is great for almost any other gathering you can think of too — its quite the impressive Southern appetizer wherever you go! I dare you to imagine a Derby Party, summer picnic, backyard BBQ or now, Thanksgiving without it!
labor of love
have you ever hand-shredded cheese?….have you ever hand-shredded ALOT of it? would you like me to describe it to you?
Shredding cheese by hand is a pain in the ass — but its so worth it.
Pimento Cheese, Mac & Cheese, Lasagna, Scalloped Potatoes, Quiches….all these delicious dishes & more deserve HAND SHREDDED cheese.
why? I’ll tell you why.
Because pre-shredded bagged cheese is fucking garbage.
thaaaat’s right.
it has an anti-caking agent (preservatives) to keep the cheese from clumping together in the bag — thus resulting in a less melty, less ooey-gooey cheese.
The texture of bagged cheese VS hand shredded also has absolutely no comparison.
Don’t get me wrong, shredded cheese serves its purpose sometimes, but it has zero business being in my Sneaky Pimento Cheese.
so lesson to be learned — SHRED YOUR OWN DAMN CHEESE.
shhhh…..
My secret ingredient that makes my Pimento Cheese “Sneaky” is NonFat Plain Greek Yogurt.
I’ve used this trick for yeeeeears!
Anywhere that requires mayo or sour cream, just swap it out with Plain Greek Yogurt!
The creamy factor is just as good with Greek Yogurt, the calories go down a hell of a lot, & the tanginess gives such a great flavor to every dish it graces.
If a recipe (pimento cheese) calls for ALL mayo, I usually do half Mayo & half Greek Yogurt, just to keep things kosher.
If a recipe (guacamole) calls for ALL sour cream, then I swap out the sour cream for the Greek Yogurt entirely — SUCH a tasty, healthy & sneaky move….. & nobody knows!
Ingredients
· 16 oz HAND SHREDDED sharp cheddar (just do it. don’t use that pre-shredded shit, we talked about this)
· 4 oz canned pimentos, drained
· 2 oz light cream cheese, softened
· ½ cup light mayo (please for the love of God, use Duke’s)
· ½ cup Greek Yogurt
· S+P, garlic powder, *hot sauce* (if you want more heat) — to taste
· Spicy pickles (the kind I use changes every time! Wickles is a good option)
(Spears = 3 full pickles /// chips = 12-15 pickles)
· ^^^ OR use however many you wish for their presence, heat & taste ^^^
Instructions
Shred your blocks of sharp cheddar & set aside.
Drain your pimentos.
Using a chopper or food processor, dice both the pimentos & your spicy pickles to a smoother consistency & set aside.
In a large bowl, mix together the cream cheese, mayo & Greek yogurt until combined.
In alternating batches, fold in your shredded cheese & pimento / pickle mixture.
Once combined, add S+P and garlic powder. Taste it!
If you like your pimento cheese on the sassier side, add a few (or 10) dashes of hot sauce. This is when my pickle choice comes into play – the vinegar from the hot sauce really brings out the pickles & the pimentos to make everyone a little hotter. The cheddar always shines through, no matter how much heat you put on it.
Stir to combine thoroughly – reward yourself by tasting as you go!
Serve immediately or divvy up into smaller sized mason jars to give as tokens of love (trust me, people know & love pimento cheese)
Refrigerate any leftovers – JK there shouldn’t be any damn leftovers!
The Tale of Thanksgiving Appetizers
Truly, when I started this entry, I was in a snarky mood. As I end this entry, the snark is still real, but I know I get to enjoy my own Sneaky Pimento Cheese on Thanksgiving while we are guzzling mimosas & waiting for that damn turkey to finish roasting.
In all seriousness, I wish you all an emotionally-healthy, mentally-friendly, drama-free Thanksgiving feast. If you can’t do that or you are part of the fucking problem, then I suggest you make this damn appetizer & do everyone a favor.
At least they can enjoy this appetizer (hopefully) in peace before the anxiety and rage sets in at the dinner table & everyone loses their mind over politics.
My Sneaky Pimento Cheese is great with Utz Pretzel Wheels, celery ribs, a surprise layer in a BLT, pork rinds & good ole Ritz crackers.
Much has been said about the vehicle choice for pimento cheese, but I’d also eat it straight off my finger.
Happy Thanksgiving y’all — if you enjoyed this, let me know! If you’re a Yank who hates pimento cheese, or an asshole who trolls family members at Thanksgiving, then no.
Thanks for stopping by!
I appreciate you stopping by! If you loved it, I’d love to hear from you.
If you hated it, then same.
Have a great day & look for my next entry!
© 2021 Cookin’ & Cussin’
