fastest salad ever

But nah, just here to show y’all one of my favorite new ways to doctor up a bagged salad. You know the ones. They come with those god-awful packets of sticky, heavy dressings that they think they are blessing us with – NO THEY ARE NOT. Those things are calorie-laden, sweet as shit & take away ANY goodness we were putting into our bodies by consuming the green stuff we hear so much about!

I love the “chopped” bag salads – the kinds with kale, red & white cabbage, maybe some radicchio & if you’re lucky, it might also come with a bag of nuts / dried fruit? You know those ones? They are usually always on sale & seem to last a little bit longer than regular bagged salads.

I don’t know why, but I’ve never liked creamy dressings on my salads. I am a Ranch & total condiment girl thru & thru….on literally anything except a salad and / or veggies. It seems counter-productive if you ask me. Which clearly you did, because why the hell else would you be here seeking advice on how to make a quick-ass salad that’s actually crave-worthy? That’s what I thought.

Well, friends, I’m here to show you just how quickly you can ditch that little shitty bag of dressing & make your own – in less than 10 minutes! Let’s get to it!

INSTRUCTIONS

In a large bowl, empty the contents of whatever bag of salad you have chosen.

Rip your extra kale off the stems & into bite-size pieces, add them to the bowl.

If your salad has come with accompaniments such as nuts or dried fruit, that’s great. Add them in.

Mix your salad contents together thoroughly & set aside.

((THROW THAT SHITTY PACKET OF SALAD DRESSING AWAY – IT HAS LOST ITS PRIVILEGES))

In a small skillet on medium, heat 1 TBS of olive oil & cook your shrimp until they are pink – about 3 minutes, flipping once.

Remove your cooked shrimp from the pan, place on a plate & just let them hang out for a bit – who the hell wants HOT ASS SHRIMP on their cold salad? EW.

Then turn the heat down to LOW & slowly pour in your ½ cup of White Balsamic Vinegar – the pan will hiss & steam – its ok, be cool.

Slowly roll the balsamic vinegar around in the pan – this will loosen any leftover bits from the shrimp you just cooked – giving you a more authentic-tasting salad dressing.

((this is a trick I watched Alex Guarnaschelli do once with lemon juice. The balsamic acts as a “cleanser” of sorts to the pan because of the acid it provides – preventing any burning or sticking but it MUST be done quickly & with a whisk so pay attention!))

Once the balsamic vinegar has had a chance to roll around in the pan for a bit, squeeze in the Dijon mustard & again, whisk like you mean it.

It should start to thicken now & smell pretty damn good.

Go ahead & turn OFF the heat, squeeze in the dollop of honey, season with S+P & garlic powder – whisk away.

The color should still be a very light brown & nothing will be “cooking” at this point – you are literally using the residual heat to merry all these ingredients & flavors together. It will be tasty, light & a hell of a lot better for you than that packet you threw away!

Lastly, drizzle in the olive oil – KEEP WHISKING, DAMMIT.

Your salad dressing should tighten up, be glossy, just barely warm & ready to pour over your salad!

Arrange your shrimp, nuts & dried fruit to however it suits your fancy.

Pour the salad dressing over your salad & VOILA! Gourmet! Holy Shit! In less than 10 minutes! You Go Glen CoCo.